What is the point?

Typically, the day following a race is a day full of evaluation and realigning of training with goals. Considering I competed yesterday in the 3k at the University of Washington's Husky Classic, I am going through the previously stated process myself. Only, I am not evaluating whether or not I am on pace with my training. I find myself questioning my very existence. I ask myself, "is it even worth it anymore?"

I am reminded of an interview with the University of Arizona's Lawi Lalang from the fall of 2011. Lalang, if you are unaware, won NCAA's that fall and ran a sub-23 minute 8k earlier that year (a VERY incredible feat). In this interview, he was asked how many miles he ran and his response: about 50 a week. 50 miles a week for one of the best runners to ever compete in the NCAA. Why I am reminded of this interview? Last fall I peaked at 90 miles a week, yet could only muster a 24:45 over the same distance (8k) that Lalang ran his sub-23. In terms of typical, normal time we go by on a day-to-day basis, 2 minutes is a very short period of time. However, in the running world, losing by 2 minutes in any race is practically an eon. Despite the fact I almost doubled his mileage, I cross the finish line so far behind him, that he most likely wouldn't even care to wait to watch me cross. So then, I ask, what is the point?

What is the point of me getting up every day, putting in two runs, 90+ miles a week, pushing through the pain of workouts if all I accomplish is the ability to run a time that nobody would be impressed at (save a handful of hobby joggers who know nothing of competitive running)? Why am I doing this? No, do not expect me to have some deep and inspirational conclusion about how I have a deep passion and love for the sport. Yes, I love running, but I am not in this just to get an endorphin rush. Deep down inside, I want to blaze. I want to run fast and beat the best this world has to offer me in the way of competition.

I don't know where I stand right now. I know it is only indoors and I have yet to even run one single interval workout, but how do these guys run fast both indoor and outdoor successfully? Why can't I? Why am I not capable of this, even though I work (I like to think) just as hard as they do? I'm not sure...