A lost runner...

For almost 6 full years now, running has consumed my life. It has served as my motivator is succeed in school, as the arena in which all my dreams existed, and, really, the only reason I believed I was put on Earth for. No matter what happened in my life, running was there as a distraction, an escape, and a means to excel in my life. I would be lying if I said it had always been am easy road to travel, for as every runner knows, the road is full of speed bumps and potholes. I've felt the highest highs and the lowest lows. However, no matter what running put me through, I always had a desire to stay with it, and always found a way to get back at it.

I've also always had a different way of motivating myself than most other athletes. We all get to hear speeches and lectures about how as long as we go out and try our hardest, then we can be happy. Many runners go to practice and races, give 100%, and no matter the outcome, they are happy because they tried their best and bettered themselves in some way. That has never been how I motivate myself. Countless times, I have finished a race with a big PR, and left completely unsatisfied, and often, disappointed. My motivation comes from chasing huge dreams, setting high goals, and not letting myself quit until I reach them. I have never wanted to simply end my running career better than I started it, I have always wanted to end reach the highest of achievements possible in running. The pursuit of those goals is what has always driven me, to push myself harder and harder after each time I fall short of that "greatness" I envision for myself, regardless of if I PR in an attempt or not. I know I am not the most talented runner to participate in this sport, not by a long shot, but I have always believed that there is greatness in me, and that I can one day unleash it. I've never been afraid to race anyone, because of that belief in myself I have. Hell, I led (along with one of my teammates) Diego Estrada in a 3k at our Conference Championships when I was seeded near the back of the pack. I honestly believe, with every fiber of my being, that I can one day compete with guys like him, and even better, I just have to unlock that potential hidden deep inside me.

But that isn't the point of this post. The point is, right now, I am in the worst running funk of my life. I have hit many funks in my running career, but I have never lost the desire to pull myself out of it and get back on track. This time, however, I have no desire to even try to get back into it. There has always been a flame of passion and drive burning fiercely in me that pulls me back to the runs, the workouts, and the races, but this time, it is dwindling, barely holding on, close to being extinguished. I know it isn't completely gone yet, because I still have those same dreams and goals sitting in the back of my mind, that I can close my eyes and get lost in as I lay down at night, but they're getting harder and harder to get to, and harder and harder to believe. Today, I find myself questioning whether or not I want to, or even CAN, keep on with this. If this had happened last year at this time, it would have been easier to manage, since I still had my redshirt for outdoor, but I no longer have that. I have to compete this spring or burn the season. The dwindling flame isn't low enough to allow myself to burn the season, but believe me, the idea is bouncing around my head at all hours of the day. I'm supposed to race in 2 days, but I don't know if I can find the will to finish, let alone get myself to the starting line. And then there is next fall, the year our men's team is supposed to BE something, I couldn't let my teammates down, seeing as how I am a key piece in our goals for next year (not trying to sound cocky, it is just that I am technically the top returner from last fall). If the flame stays dull, or even burns out, I let my teammates down, I let my coach down, and I become a waste of a runner, a waste of scholarship money, and, to myself, a waste of a person. Every run hurts, no matter how easy I take it. I cannot push myself to run fast, no matter how hard I fight, I finished every interval incredibly off pace.

Where do I go from here? How do I push on? Or, do I even try to push on? Should I let the flame burn out, throw in the towel? Do I attempt to force the flame to grow again, even if I don't have any fuel to feed it with? I am trapped, confused, out of my element. I am a lost runner.

Where's the next Pre??

I'm going to be blunt, and quite possibly offensive. I'm going to be provocative and straight forward. Heed this warning now, so I may begin... Track and field is a dying sport in America. And if not quite yet dying, it is very, VERY ill. Face it, nobody cares about us track athletes, or professional marathoners. ESPN doesn't give a rat's ASS about us. Listen into conversations around college campuses, restaurants, bars: the only athletes mentioned are the big money, mainstream, Lebron James' of the world. When was the last time you heard someone, in all seriousness, debate whether Bernard Lagat or Galen Rupp is the best American distance runner currently? Unless you have recently sat in the locker room of a high school or college cross country team, the chances are you haven't. Track and field, in America, is dying.

We had our prime. In the 1950s, Wes Santee captivated America in his attempt to become the world's first ever sub-4 minute miler. Bannister beat him to it though. In the 1960s, Jim Ryun's incredible accomplishments at the mile once again brought the spotlight back to the track. Then, Steve Prefontaine made the ENTIRE country care about the sport of running and, specifically, races longer than the mile. Then what happened? He died. He disappeared forever. No more records. No more winning streaks. No more gold medal attempts. America stopped caring. People switched from the track to the gridiron. From those beautiful, polyurethane ovals to the hardwood. America stopped caring about track and field.

What happened? Did our runners get worse? No. In fact, they got better. MUCH better. Pre ran 13:21 for the American Record. Currently, the American Record is 12:53. Twenty-eight seconds better than Pre ever ran. We are better, we are faster than ever, and we have more guys running fast times than ever before. So how did we die as a sport? It's simple: we have no more Pre.

I'm not necessarily saying that if he was still alive, people would still care. In fact, people would probably care less if he had lived, if he had won gold in Montreal. What I mean is, there is no one in American distance running who EMBODIES what Pre did. No one races and trains with the same attitude and determination and if they do, they sure as hell don't show it to the rest of the world. Sure, there are some guys out there with Pre-like qualities, and I will talk about them, but they all fall short. So, without further ado, let's take a look.

Nick Symmonds: He is an obvious candidate, and for many reasons. Symmonds is incredibly charismatic. He knows how to work the media, what to say, and how to make people listen. His entire ploy last summer of bidding advertising space on his own body was genius and he brought the media to our feet, for a short period. Sadly, once the Olympics passed, so did the attention. Symmonds is also a lady's man. Girls love him. Guys want to be him. He's is one attractive guy, let's face it. If I looked like him, I would have girls at my apartment constantly. I mean, he went on a date with Paris Hilton for Godsake. He's got the charm. And he's fast. 5th fastest 800m runner ever. Currently the best American, although Duane Solomon is making his go at that title. AND he finished in the same place as Pre did in the Olympics, one spot out of a medal. But Symmonds is not Pre. He doesn't captivate the media day in and day out. He doesn't promise victories and records. He doesn't run from the front of the pack. And he's not as rugged as Pre. Nick Symmonds is a pretty boy (no offense though, I'm pretty metro myself). So Symmonds falls short. Who is next?

Anthony Famiglietti: You guess it (okay, maybe not), Fam is next. When it comes to training, everything Fam is screams Pre. Fam is all about pushing yourself beyond the limits, punishing the body, taking control of a race from the gun, the purity of racing. That's all Pre. If you could compare their racing styles, you might think they were separated at birth. To put it simply, they both might be clinically insane. And Fam is fast. Really fast. And has an incredible range. However, Fam is far from being Pre. Fam is not charismatic. He isn't a glamour boy. Girls don't melt at the sound of his name. And he is very much out of the limelight. The media, honestly, doesn't give a shit about him. Sure, LetsRun and Flotrack do, but in all honestly, the masses don't give a shit about this media outlets. Although they both have very hard to pronounce (and spell) last names, and cool, 3-letter versions of it, Fam is not Pre

Galen Rupp: You cannot talk about American distance running and NOT mention Rupp. This man is on fire and tearing up tracks left and right. He is the real deal. The creme dela creme. Nobody can compete with him, not even a lot of the East Africans. No American-born runner can, that's for sure. Who challenges him today? Mo, Lagat, and ya... Both are African-born, so my point is proven. This kid can run. He has the times. Hell, he could put Pre to shame on the track. But God Almighty is he the most awkward runner to talk to. This kid is weird. He is NOT charismatic in any way. And, sorry Rupp, but he isn't a looker either. Where Pre failed on the track, Rupp succeeds. Where Pre succeeded in personality, charisma, and charm, Rupp falls horribly short. And Rupp is the FARTHEST thing from blue collar. What Rupp (or Salazar, to be honest) wants, Nike gives them. No matter how fast Rupp runs, or how many medals he wins, he will never be Pre.

So where does that leave us? Hopeless. Leaderless. Defeated. We need a Pre. We need someone who embodies what he did. And we need it bad. Will he ever return though? No one can say for certain. But if he doesn't, track my die, once and for all. Pre, please return to us, your spirit in the body of another. We need you, now, more than ever. Who will step up? Who can run what Rupp has, train like Fam, and carry himself like Symmonds? That or science needs to hurry up and invent something so we can morph those three together. Ya, that just might work...