Some Deep, Personal Thoughts About My Career

Today as I rush to finish packing my stuff to head home, I stumbled upon my goal sheet. I have always known it was there, stuck on my wall, but I never really thought much of it until I held it in my hands again. As I stood there, looking at it, I began to think about my past goals and where I am in my career. And I realized something. All the goals, the plans, the things I said I was going to do by now, haven't really happened. I was going to be a high school, 4a, cross country/track champion. Didn't ever place. I was going to sign at a big, D1 school. I am currently at a small,D2 school (but it's better than no school at all). I was going to be the freshman that everyone talked about and didn't want to race. Only my teammates and family talk about me. And to me, none of this seems fair. Everything I've done. All the miles. The workouts. The blood. The sweat. The tears. The laughter. The joy after finishing a race how you wanted. The frustration after not. The time spent rededicating myself, over and over, to running. The time I could have spent with the ones I loved, instead spent sprinting through mud puddles and trying to finish the last 2 miles of my run before the sun goes down completely. And what did I get for all that? Which of my goals has been accomplished? Why am I constantly disappointed in all of my efforts? I know I am built for this, my long legs, small, skinny frame. I am a runner. Yet, I can't run fast enough. People have asked me, "What are you running from?" It's very clear that I started out running TOWARDS something, that something being greatness. But ask me that question today, and you might get a different answer. Yeah, I'll tell you I'm running towards my goals, but I might also tell you that I am now running away from my past. Running away from all my failures, my disappointments, the things that make me want to quit when the race starts to hurt just a little too much. But the question I myself now ask is, "Why aren't I running fast enough?"